monaco

behind numbers and hands i hide
a face with no expression shields me
with constant movement i am allowed to stand still
behind leather and crystal i hide
i measure not in days or hours
season now blend without markers
in seconds and in words i take stock of my life
behind gears and hands i hide
i have seen the old shields of bronze and iron
i have held swords of the same
technology has reduced both size and need
upon my wrist more protection than ever was
my tongue now sharper
i hide behind numbers and hands

hazme un favor
en esto momento
olvidese de usted mismo

do me a favor
forget yourselves in this moment

forget that you have carried burdens
and seen things that have made you men

take off those glasses of adulthood
without them you'll see a world of beauty and illusion
mysterious and an unchartable world

clasp hands with your neighbor
and you will see the age fall off like dirt caked on

listen to the world and its song
throw open the doors and join in the chorus

the men and women who have come before have fertilized the land
roots have grown deep and we should not fear erosion
this too is ours

breathe in deeply and close your eyes
upon the breeze you will smell home
the coffee and the platano
the ash and the loroco

i hear your voices still and clear in mind
i wish to share this with you
reach deep inside yourselves break loose those bonds of seriousness

i was there with you i have seen home trough you tales and your eyes
i call out to it now and bring it forth

remember i have heard you
i wish for you to hear me now

age will not take this from me nor you
in my words and through my eyes you will see

you have brought it with you
in my veins it still flows

do i appear in them as foolish as i feel?

many years have passed
the thinning of my blood that night
the music and company built a shield
in mid conversation i saw her
she was engaged with another
was it she that had drawn your attention?

i excused myself only after i saw her
those same eyes
no, no, no, they were not
i ask myself what makes men pause?

eyes from the past

[words inspired from a post by gonz85]

"but for the first time ever my head was going at God speed. hope turning into time, death becoming decades, nothing and everything was real." gonz85

Inside the sphere of the world that is my mind... light bends, time slows and i see the building blocks of creation... real is a word that moves faster than thought... I think it, so it is... the black that exists holds no fear for me. the white blinds and keeps me aware of who i am, who i was and who i may become

we are gods able to create in our own worlds and beyond... our souls fly, in that our big sky... thoughts, firing of synapses, bolts of energy reaching out across space with no bounds.. these things whirl around us at all times they circumnavigate others souls and come home to us...

i will return to this...

an arguement with an angel

you insolent pup life did not begin this evening
you had 35 years to steel yourself
35 years of bad choices
you fell away from life
hid behind that camera of yours and those drawings and called them a life
a series of collected snapshots of other people
drawings of whores and stolen moments
and you have the audacity to question what is the meaning of life
nothing... there is no meaning...
you have freedoms that some would kill for and here you stand petrified
the door is open there is nothing standing in your way
go out and grab it put not a lens or canvass before you
take not your shields
experience what there is to this HIS gift to humanity

you arrogant sod
would you be so open had you not been trapped there for hundreds of years
you his chosen, you his army, his guides and teachers
judge me not for when the time comes
he will
loved have i in my fashion, bled for causes not my own
picked up shield and sword in ways that now have reach that you should have had
make no more jest of me
i pause now for clearer vision for which ever road i take i take it only once

Once? HA...once... you foolish myopic man
we walk in circles until we deal with all we need
and then we walk them again
a variable changed here and there the pieces almost them same but more complex
you walk them once...
I have been around since the dawn of time
i have seen you fools squander it all. for what?
men do not learn... we fight for your souls
and still you do not learn

laugh at me... you are the one who has been fighting for something you do not believe in
locked in that eternal struggle and then ask me what have i learned

just a piece of a whole (wish i could remember the rest)

fragmented has been my view of late
as a photographer would, i exclude and include
that which tells the tale i would like told
i peer out from behind my lens
i see the world more whole

where i am going with this?

in the darkness we become not what we are seen as
in the darkness we are wholly what we think ourselves to be
are dances in the black less graceful?
a disorientation of body and mind
no, no... they are true and pure
thoughts conveyed to muscle and movement
when did we be come paralyzed in the night?
aware of our surroundings we built tribes and casts
in the darkness
that is when they must of come for us
when the animal of thought was weakest
when instinct and evolution took precedence
over debate and council
when thought was just that thought
no schemes no plots just darkness and our minds
the night is the great leveler
it balances out the power we have acquired
we fear it now

a random start and ending to a conversation

Will you be as calculating as I have ever been, not on a completely conscience level, for sure, when speaking to anyone? My mind roams where it will and processes equations of conversations down further than I believe most will allow.

Do most people live in the moment? For even in the moment, my thoughts ride the wave to end game. I am no great chess player, mind you, and will probably never be but put me in front of someone who captures my imagination and 13 moves ahead is a standard. A curse? I am starting to think so.

I briefly described the the theme of one of my early musings. I brought it up and changed the subject rather quickly and then later I brought it up again and let it drop again. The truth was I wanted you to stew with the thought and craft a witty response, something that might lift my eyebrow and leave me thinking "What a charming and clever girl". This is one of my self-perceived largest failings. I long of those moments.

The whole world is a stage and all that. I love the show but search for a player to that I may sit across from and move me. It will be my cage I fear, in the end, even as I roam out there in the wild.

With those sentiments I leave off, as I set out on safari again. Hunting down moments...

live in these last few hours of light

Sitting here, all i hear is the clip clopping of feet against the cobblestones. The blossoms are back, the smell of the food and wine festival fills the air, smokey and comforting. I can wait for fall to see the little square covered with the white petals. I always see people stop and stare, I imagine that the first snow elicits much the same sentiments. Faces light up when confronted with beauty in places they pass unnoticed most days. They are eating gelato and holding their glasses, making their way home home or some such destinations. Lazy Saturday afternoons, is it not what we should be striving for? put away the watches, think no more of work and live in these last few hours of light. Let me capture them as a painter would, slow and deliberate motions. Let me tell the tale one stroke at a time, one word after another. Let my pen glide across the page, grant me the skill to add tone and depth.

I heard the summoning

I wrote a song with no words and in the silence was beauty
I wrote a song with no words and penned no melody.
The tune only I can hear.
That silence haunts me still.

I heard the summoning from somewhere in the depths, reaching out to me.
Following that call into the silence I saw angels waging war with demons and demons waging war with angels in frozen frame.
Faces contorted in agony and those in the throws of ecstasy.
Armed with spear and sword, some just locked in twisted embraces.
Underfoot the ground appears frozen in mid-ripple, slightly blurred.
Blood and earth caked on the lower limbs and as the ground was reaching up to pull them all down.

I have seen things so beautiful, it still moves me to this day, even after all these years. I will testify to them with my words and my memories will form the undercurrents of my fiction.

Will you recognize me?

For those images and the marks of your touch upon my being will be with me throughout my life. I will write of myself as one of the ensemble and pepper you throughout the work.

Can you see your own reflections?

Even if those same reflections are clouded and perverted through my own eyes.

a moment in time (1-3)

The bright white light will not allow me to see anything else, it encompasses all that my vision will allow. All my other senses are overwhelmed; sensory overload. I am numb. The beam directed at my cornea, as painful as it feels, is speeding the return of the focus I most desperately need.

I remember that light, more so, I see the dust floating through the air, a moment of time suspended. The diffused light passing through the window. The neurons of my mind working on overdrive as I touch upon one of those few perfect moments we are allowed in life. Frame by frame it passes, no faster than one of the penny arcade shows you used to love. I miss the Musée Mécanique. I would follow you there after our many adventures around Land's End. As those days would end about the coast, the light fades and the cold begins to penetrate the moment.

My head feels heavy my reaction time is slow. I feel hands probing, one hand firmly against my my forehead. The other slipped behind me at the base of my skull, fingers moving downward one vertebrae at a time.

I was being awaken by her hands. I could smell her. The lotion mixes with her scent in what i believed to be one of the most beautiful and welcoming sscents there must be in this world. I hear her set down my laptop. She removed my eyeglass slowly as not to disturb my slumber. I feel her familiar weight. Her hands checking feeling my forehead checking to see if I am feverish, always looking out for my health, she knew i would run myself into the ground if left to my own devices. She adjusts my head as she slips her arm behind my neck. her body firmly pressed to mine. She fell asleep right there in my arms. I never stirred except to wrap my arms around her.

Focus returns in flashes much as a window wiper would clear the windshield. They are mouthing words. I cannot understand. I cannot make out the face, just the gesticulations of the jawline. They look like shadows forming into matter before me. the light behind them almost blacks out all detail.

Always the socialite she would bring me to all sorts of functions. She would dress and lay out my suits for me. So often we would be parted as she was known where ever we went. An acquaintance, someone always looking to introduce her to someone else. But she would always find me where ever i was and i would tip my glass in her direction. Always mouthing "Save the last dance for me" and she, the angel, would always. Her hair pulled up, her earrings always understated, the neck line showing, the wisps of hair always there making me fall in love with her all over again.

its keeping pace and watching

gladly i embark on journeys with no known end
for paths less taken have always called to me
and cages scare me most of all
many things come under foot as i roam
noiselessly I traipse about when caution should be heeded
i leave tell-tale signs that i was there for those who chose to follow
armed with nothing more than word and wit
i will greet all that come before me

i carry it with me

take the trip
go out to the beach house
and just be
enjoy the scent of the ocean
it will come back to you
ride those horses
move quickly through the land
the images will begin to form
feel the ash between your fingers
let it spill out as you breathe
you will begin to remember

live and enjoy what you have walked away from

i carry it with me
it pulses through my veins
i will not forget

tell me of your world

tell me of your world
and i will show you what i have created

mirrored visions of life
reflected upon themselves
countless as the stars

emotions spread not linear any longer but in spheres
it will appear as if my very heart has imploded
you will blink and the wave will wash over you

turn and watch it go
i will still be there
weaving tales and making worlds

quietly
patiently
laughing with tears in my eyes

crumpled pages

I have looked around from time to time
for the characters of my stories
when I was younger I would never write into journals
loose leaf sheets of paper
napkins, placemats, print outs, pages of another's book
I close my eyes searching the archive, secreted away
dossiers filled with nothing, some with photos and others detailed histories
Looking around this place
i wade through crumpled pages at least a foot deep
reaching for them every now and again
they are always just beyond my grasp

an unusual conversation

To : Anyone out there...
From [N]: I am here is there something i can do for you?
To [N]: nothing... just seeing what kinda trouble i could get into...
To [N]: (mischievious glimmer in the eyes... smirk on the face)
From [N] : *laughs* I think you may be out of your league, m'dear.
To [N]: i have always enjoyed a challenge
From [N] : Challenge, perhaps. More of an art, I say. It all depends on your experience.
To [N]: and i am sure of it... the league thing....i mean
To [N]: dancing and fencing... both challenges both arts...
From [N] : You wish to duel words with me? I find my wings have been clipped for much too long, I may be rusty.
To [N]: love the challenge of mastering an art...
To [N]: a duel...heavens no... for i would not be able to compete
From [N] : Then what do you have in mind.
To [N]: i have not the words...nothing more than... mischief my friends would say
From [N] : You are curious.
To [N]: just enjoy the banter....especially when a good thrashing might result
From [N] : Mmhmm. And you have not had such banter from b? I somehow think we are much different.
To [N]: i am not sure how to answer that... i drink wine when wine is called for...
To [N]: curious? how so?
From [N] : I am asking if you have had your fun with b or not.
To [N]: i enjoy our conversations if that is what you are asking
From [N] : I will not be part of some backalley male strutting, should this go any further.
To [N]: backalley... male strutting... i think you must have me mistaken...
From [N] : Possibly. I am cautious.
To [N]: conversations that is what we are talking about...right?
From [N] : Sure.
To [N]: lol.... oh no...
To [N]: i must be such a fool...
To [N]: clipped shall be my words... for letting them fly where they will...
From [N] : lol
To [N]: has been interesting to say the least
From [N] : You rarely fail to amuse me ;)
To [N]: here to please (bows deeply)
To [N]: what may i ask have i... put my foot in?
From [N] : Nothing other then what I have fended off countless times. Perhaps I assumed too much?
To [N]: fended off? i hoped that those words and my name would never meet
From [N] : Tango or waltz? hehe
To [N]: i cannot know your mind... lol
To [N]: tonight... a tango... tomorrow a waltz
From [N] : Crisp, sharp, abrupt. A tango is much more personal then a waltz. Have you ever watched one?
To [N]: yes... and danced...
To [N]: it gives you the measure and feel of the other... but as you say crisp sharp abrupt
From [N] : I have two left feet as they say, I can only watch and wish.
To [N]: a waltz... a lot less taxing... it would seem... but grace and balance... makes one more intune
To [N]: a lesson away... or 4 lol.... i have taken quite a few...
From [N] : It is too hard for me to express myself in such a way. I am much too introverted to put myself out on a dance floor.
To [N]: i grew up dancing... my family always had these big family parties.... where my aunts uncles and folks would dance until 4 in the morning
To [N]: and me as little kid in the middle... dancing
To [N]: not well, mind you, just dancing
From [N] : Impressive. I had a reserved upbringing compared to that. I find words easier. A crutch maybe for my failings, but at least I have it
To [N]: like i said before... striking words togethers to form something.... always escaped me...
To [N]: on paper that is... i always loved to dance... verbal or literaly
From [N] : They slip through my fingers like raindrops, but when I hold my breath a few will stay. It is not easy.
To [N]: i like that... may i borrow?
From [N] : Certainly. What for?
To [N]: lol... one of my short stories
From [N] : What's it about?
To [N]: i have been working on a short... bout... a man looking back on his life...
To [N]: it begins with him sitting on a park bench... head held facing the sun...eyes close... enjoying the warmth
To [N]: one of my ideas is that in the end all you will have conversations and conscience
From [N] : Interesting. I hope I can read it when you finish.
To [N]: not sure... i typically dont share my actual writings.... just the stuff i can put out in 7 mins or so lol
To [N]: conversations.... and conscience....
To [N]: hmmm...
From [N] : What if we trade. Though mine is far from finished.
To [N]: let me get through it... and we'll see...
From [N] : I have high hopes for mine. One day, years from now, it might be finished.
To [N]: keep working on it... your muse will grow restless and come to you...
From [N] : She is cruel to me, I do not know if I look forward to her coming or not.
To [N]: "a heartbreaking work of staggering genius"...
To [N]: it just came to mind...
From [N] : I do not know of what you refer.
To [N]: eggars is a writer...his memoir won the pulitzer... when ever i hear anyone speak if thier muses so... that title comes to mind
From [N] : Ah, I see. Well she strikes me at my darkest hour and wrings me dry and gasping in the morning. It is cruel but effective.
To [N]: thank you for the time... sleep well and dream... let me know if i should consider myself "fended off" moving forward...
To [N]: always enjoy the banter... ; )
From [N] : It's nice to know there is more blood in your brain then most males ;)
To [N]: lol... only sometimes... lol
To [N]: cant leave you thinking i have some smarts
From [N] : *flutters lashes* My dear, you have more upstairs then most have downstairs. *licks finger and tallies air* Two points!
To [N]: thank you... but you pay me too much mind...
From [N] : Perhaps I do. What was that you were saying about a thrashing?
To [N]: before i go... you said curious earlier.... my i ask you to ellaborate
To [N]: hmmm.... i was promised one i seem to remember
To [N]: a good thrashing... wait i think it was a good tongue lashing....
From [N] : I will leave you to decide which, I can provide both when in the right mood. As for curious, there are not many here that have
From [N] : sought any form of conversation with me.
To [N]: (mischievious glimmer in the eyes... smirk on the face)
From [N] : But I am tired, and in pain. Sleep eludes me though my mind says I must rest.
From [N] : Goodnight m'dear.
To [N]: nite...

the end of the world

i stood at the end of the world today

i saw the beauty of endless motion
i closed my eyes
i heard it reach out to me in the crashing of the waves
i pressed play and lost myself to miles
with eyes closed and sketches playing
i raised my face to the clouds
they parted for just a moment
as i turned back to the mountain
the wind came to caress my neck

i will come again soon